Funny Wedding Vows: 40 Lines to Make Your Ceremony Unforgettable (for the Right Reasons!)

Your ceremony is the heart of your wedding day, but it needn't be solemn or serious if that's not who you are as a couple. A well-placed funny vow can break the tension, unite the room, and give everyone permission to exhale before the really emotional bit hits.

Done right, humour in your wedding vows doesn't undermine the moment. It deepens it and tells your guests exactly who you are together, which is something we should all try to achieve on our big day.

If you need inspiration for your ceremony, here are 40 funny wedding vow lines to borrow, adapt, or use as a springboard for something entirely your own. Keep it warm, keep it personal, and make sure you and your partner are on the same page about the tone before you get anywhere near the altar... The last thing anyone wants during their ceremony is daggers from their partner!

40 Funny Wedding Vows

1. "I promise to love you unconditionally — except when you leave the kitchen cupboards open. That one we're still negotiating."

2. "I vow to be by your side through sickness and in health, through good Wi-Fi and bad, and through every terrible reality TV show you insist we watch together."

3. "I take you as my person, my partner, and my emergency contact. That last one is honestly the most romantic thing I've ever said."

4. "I vow to love you more than coffee. Which is saying something, because I really, really love a good cappuccino."

5. "I promise to always laugh at your jokes, even when they're terrible. Especially when they're terrible."

6. "I vow to be your biggest fan, your loudest supporter, and the person who tells you when you've got something in your teeth before a big meeting."

7. "I promise to share everything with you, except my chips. That's a separate conversation."

8. "I promise to put the bins out without being asked. I can't promise I'll remember every week, but I promise to try, and I think that's what marriage is."

9. "I vow to always make you a cup of tea when I'm making one for myself. That's love. That's real love."

10. "I promise to be the one who checks what that noise was. Always. Even at 3am. Even when I don't want to."

11. "I vow to never finish the last of something in the fridge and put the empty container back. I know this commitment seems small. But it is not small."

12. "I promise to always tell you when we're low on milk and to sometimes actually go out and buy it."

13. "I vow to always share the menu, order something different so we can try both, and not eat half of yours before mine arrives."

14. "I promise to love you on the days you cook, on the days you can't face cooking, and on the days we end up eating cereal for dinner because neither of us planned ahead."

15. "I vow to never eat the last biscuit without offering it to you first. Unless it's the really good one. We can discuss the really good one."

16. "I promise to hold your hand when you're scared, talk you through it when you're overthinking, and make you laugh when nothing else is working."

17. "I vow to always support you, even when I think you're wrong; I'll wait until after to tell you."

18. "I take you as my person. The one I call first with good news and bad news and the kind of news that's too weird to tell anyone else."

19. "I promise to always choose you, even on the days when choosing you means sitting through a three-hour documentary about something I have absolutely no interest in."

20. "I vow to grow old with you and to find it funny rather than tragic when we both forget what we came into a room for."

21. "I promise to be the person you can fall apart in front of, safe in the knowledge that I will help you put yourself back together — and not mention it to anyone."

22. "I vow to be patient with you, even though you know I'm not a patient person. I'm trying. That's the whole point of today."

23. "I promise to always apologise when I'm wrong and to get there faster than I currently do. That's growth. We're growing."

24. "I take you knowing I'm not perfect, knowing you're not perfect, and being absolutely certain that imperfect together is better than anything else."

25. "I promise not to watch the next episode of that Netflix series without you. I can't promise anything about the one after that though."

26. "I vow to love you even as you scroll through every option on the streaming service without actually picking anything."

27. "I promise to always be honest with you, except when you ask if I'm fine. Because sometimes I'm not fine, but I also don't want to talk about it yet."

28. "I take you as my player two. My co-op partner. The one I want in my corner for every level, including the ones I haven't figured out yet."

29. "I promise to nearly always notice when you've had a haircut."

30. "I vow not to keep score. I always win anyway."

31. "I promise to respect your music choices in the car when you're driving. If you're not driving, however, that's a different agreement entirely."

32. "I vow to open jars for you and pretend you loosened it first, even though we both know the truth."

33. "I promise to share the covers, leave the light on, make sure the toilet paper is stocked, and do as many dishes as I can stomach, as long as we both shall live."

34. "I vow to love you through IKEA in both the buying and the assembly stage."

35. "I promise not to turn the light on or clatter about when you have a hangover."

36. "I choose you. Today, tomorrow, and on every day that follows. Even Mondays and you know how much I hate Mondays."

37. "I vow to be yours, fully, completely, and without the terms and conditions I usually apply to large commitments."

38. "I promise to always come home to you. Even when home is just wherever you happen to be."

39. "I vow to make you laugh every day. On the days I manage it, remind me. On the days I don't, be patient."

40. "I promise to love you well. That's it. That's everything."

Still searching for the perfect curvy wedding dress to go with those vows?

At Confetti & Curves, we have a huge range of gorgeous plus-size wedding dresses, from size 16 upwards. Book your appointment here and let's find the one.